A Sequel

It’s been weeks since I posted my sandwich story, and nobody has commented on it.  I bet that means you all really liked it but you’ve just been really busy and haven’t had time to think of the right words to tell me how much you really liked it.  It’s okay.  I understand.

Here is the second part:


It was dark in the alley.  The two men stared out into the empty street.  When it’s dark, it’s hard to see things, but the two men had been standing in the alley for a long time, and their eyes had adjusted to the dark, so they could see things okay.  Also there was a streetlight.

“How much longer are we going to stand in this alley?” asked Johnny ‘Switchblade’ Harris.

“As long as we have to,” replied my old roommate Darryl.

“But it’s dark,” said Johnny.  “When it’s dark, it’s hard to see things.”

“I know,” assured Darryl, “but our eyes have adjusted to the dark.  Also, there’s that streetlight.”

“Oh,” whispered Johnny.  “Right.”

Just then the two men heard a clicking sound very close by.

“Don’t turn around,” said the bad guy’s voice.  “My guns are pointed at your heads and they are loaded and if you turn around I will shoot them at you and you will be dead.”

“Caramba,” swore Johnny.  I just remembered Johnny was Spanish.

“Drop all of YOUR guns,” said the voice.  My old roommate Darryl had his big gun.  He put it on the ground.  Johnny ‘Switchblade’ Harris also had a big gun, but not as big as the one Darryl had.  He put it on the ground, but the voice said, “I bet you have another gun,” and Johnny did, so he put it on the ground, too.  The gun was in his boot.

“Good,” said the bad guy’s voice.  “Now turn around so I can kill you.”

Johnny and my old roommate Darryl started turning around.  “What are we going to do?” asked Johnny.  “He’s going to kill us!  That was my last gun!”

I just remembered that Johnny had another gun in his other boot.  He pulled it out really fast, but when you’re thinking about it, you should pretend it’s in slow motion so it looks cooler.  Also you should probably pretend everything is really quiet, and there’s like a heartbeat noise.  Like, he reaches down to his boot, and… dunt dunt… dunt dunt… dunt dunt… he’s pointing the gun… dunt dunt… his eyes narrow… dunt dunt… dunt dunt… BLAM!

Only the bad guy turns out to be… HIS BROTHER!!!!!!!

Josh read my story and told me I probably shouldn’t write any more stories.  I think he means that this one will be very hard to top, but I am an excellent writer, so I bet I could.



I realize it’s been a while since my last post, and for that, I do apologize.  It’s been difficult to get on the internet lately… apparently internet cafes expect you to pay to go on their computers these days.  Bastards.

On the plus side, I did manage to duck past the usher and sneak into a screening of J. J. Abrams’ “Star Trek” the other day.  Unfortunately, my indie rock credibility demands that I review this movie with haughty indifference and vague disappointment, but even so, I’ll say this: OMMFGSTAHRTREKZ!!!1!!!1!  Seriously, if scientists could extract all the geekiness from my brain and inject it into a test-tube baby cloned from the DNA of Natalie Portman and Emily Haines from Metric, then hyper-accelerate said baby’s growth until they ended up with the super-hot living embodiment of all things geeky, and then order this fantastic creation to tie me up with red rope licorice and rape me until I passed out, well… that’s about the closest approximation of how I felt coming out of this movie.


We should have new songs up soon… as soon as we can find somewhere to record them, I guess.  The park gets cold at night.  I love you all.


Before We’re Dead

Astoundingly, Josh still has no idea we’ve been evicted.  I managed to convince him that this song is about giraffes.  Goodbye, old house.  We’ll miss you.

PS: Eagle Eye Cherry, Semisonic, Vitamin C et al. can suck a dick.